"God I Hope I Get It!"

by Tabitha Garnica

How Many People Does He Need?  How Many Boys, How Many Girls?”  ~ A Chorus Line

"Look at all the people!"

What is the hardest part about being in love with theatre? AUDITIONING! That has always been the hardest part for me.  It is absolutely horrible.  I spend weeks and sometimes even months annoying my family with my singing, doing monologues in front of a mirror, stressing about what song to sing, and obsessing about what outfit is going to give off the “vibe” I am looking for. 

Anyone who has ever auditioned for anything in their lives can attest that there is probably nothing else that gives off such a feeling of vulnerability.  We expose all of our “hidden” talents, and leave them for complete strangers to judge and compare to the talents of others.

I always hate myself before an audition.  I could have been chilling at home, completely calm, but instead I made myself go through such an emotional roller-coaster.  Someone once told me that if you ever meet an actor who tells you they do not get nervous before auditioning, they are lying.  I believe that completely.  It is such intimidating experience that I do not think I will ever be completely calm doing, no matter how simple the audition is, or how many auditions I go to.  Of course, with more experience, you do learn the “tricks of the trade” and I guess you become less “baffled” by the process. 

When I am at an audition, everyone else seems more talented, more calm, more prepared, and more worthy.  My mind becomes completely irrational and I start thinking things like, “She’s wearing leggings! That means she is better dancer than I am!”, “She’s wearing more makeup than I am! I’m so ugly!”; “She is blonde! She is totally going to get this part!” I do not even have to see these people perform.  My mind has already constructed specific reasons why everyone else in the room has a better chance than I do.  They all look so professional and if they look confident, that means their resumé is obviously better than mine.  Additionally, before even getting to know them, I dislike them because they are obstacles. The funny thing is they are all thinking the exact same thing about me! So basically it is a room full of people giving each other the stink eye.   

 For me at least, this anxiety only grows the longer I am waiting.  I am hearing people getting called up to audition and half of me wants to get it all over with, the other half of me is praying to not get called up next, and all of me wants to pee in my pants!  Some of the other people waiting are practicing their material, others are socializing to calm nerves, and people like me are in their own zones of catatonia.  Everyone is trying to listen into the audition room, and the tension starts to rise if we hear someone sing an incredible note. 

 I would be willing to bet that my heart has skipped a beat every single time my name or number has been called in an audition.  I walk into a room to find a table of “authority” figures, which are prepared to judge me. 

 I have heard many pieces of advice from successful actors on how to get through auditioning.  One of my favorite words of advice was in a video interview with Kelli O’Hara.  She explained how those people behind the table want you to be their answer.  They are actually routing for you right from the beginning, so to let yourself be intimidated by them is only hindering you from doing justice to all you have to give.  If the part is right for you, you’ll get it, so do not make it harder for yourself by letting the nerves get to you.

 

 The truth is, even the best of the best have had their flops.  All we can do is our best.  My best auditions are not only the ones in which I get the part is set out to get.  My best auditions are the ones in which I leave the room knowing that I gave it all I had.